The father of individual psychology, Alfred Adler, once described empathy as “seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.” Doesn’t that sound like the job description of an actor? Intellectually identifying with another person’s thoughts and feelings might seem like a simple enough task, but the act of empathizing can actually be confusing, if not mysterious at times.
The father of individual psychology, Alfred Adler, once described empathy as “seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.”
Sounds like the job description of an actor.
Identifying with another person’s thoughts and feelings might seem simple, but the act of empathizing can be confusing, if not mysterious at times. Aside from considering the human experience, character empathy asks you to do this with fictional characters, as well as historical figures, as you go through the various story arcs in a script.
What is Empathy?
Brené Brown, famous for her viral TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability, is a scientist who researches people’s ability to love and empathize. Brown collects and analyzes people’s personal stories, particularly their moments of greatest struggle. She’s even identified distinct qualities that capture the meaning of empathy.
“Perspective taking—the ability to take the perspective of another person or recognize their perspective as their truth. Staying out of judgment—is not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do. Recognizing emotion in other people, and then communicating that.” Brown says, “Empathy is feeling with people. I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space when someone’s in a deep hole, and they shout from the bottom … and say, ‘I’m stuck, it’s dark, I’m overwhelmed,’ and we look as we say, ‘Hey!’ and climb down, ‘I know what it’s like down here. And you’re not alone.’”
Empathy doesn’t require you to have lived the same experiences as another person, just that you’re present, listening, and understanding why someone is feeling, thinking, and acting in specific ways. The person who receives empathy from others feels heard and valued as a person.
What Empathy is Not
To distinguish empathy from sympathy, Brown says, “Empathy fuels a connection; sympathy drives disconnection.”
Referring to a story where a person is stuck at the bottom of a hole, a sympathetic individual might respond to the stuck person, “Ooh! It’s bad, uh-huh? Uh, no. You want a sandwich?”
This might seem polite, but it doesn’t demonstrate empathy. The sympathetic person feels bad for the stuck person, but their response indicates that they don’t understand the severity of the situation from the stuck person’s point of view. It’s human nature to have a sympathetic response, but these can even come off as tone-deaf, driving the disconnect further as the emotional experience of the stuck person does not seem to be considered. The stuck person may be hungry, but they would rather be pulled out of the hole first.
Brown describes obstacles that can interfere with someone’s readiness to empathize, saying, “Empathy is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.”
To avoid these deep feelings, people may respond with an “At least …” sentence. Brown insists, “Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with, ‘At least …’ And we do that all the time because you know what? Someone just shared something with us that’s incredibly painful, and we’re … trying to put a silver lining around it. So, ‘I had a miscarriage.’ ‘At least you know you can get pregnant.’ ‘I think my marriage is falling apart.’ ‘At least you have a marriage.’”
Trying to fix the problem is another response that interferes with making a connection with someone who is suffering. Brown encourages people to instead respond by saying, “‘I don’t even know what to say. I’m just so glad you told me.’ Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.”
Brown has also found that empathic people are kind to themselves first and then offer that same compassion toward others. “As it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly,” she asserts.
The key to empathy is to establish meaningful connections. To achieve emotional empathy with your characters, you must understand the emotional engagement happening in the text between characters, the character traits of each individual and how they work in everyday human life as it pertains to each situation in the script.
Not Judging Your Character
Judith Weston has over three decades of experience in the industry with books, workshops and one-on-one consultations for both actors and filmmakers.
“Every character is doing what they think is right—what they think is best,” she says. “They have a reason. Everyone has a reason for everything that they do … It might be a reason that the rest of us would look at from the outside and say, ‘That’s a crappy reason. That’s a stupid reason. That’s a wrong reason.’ Of course, the audience has the right to judge. But the actor has to come from a place where the character is operating out of need. They need something, and they’re doing what they can to get there. So it’s deeply empathetic, and I actually believe that acting is a kind of spiritual practice … [Actors] are students of life; they want to know more about people and about the world.”
But what about all the kind-hearted actors who harshly judge themselves? Weston knows many and believes 90% of actors struggle to empathize with themselves.
“Actors are notoriously hard on themselves … to the extent where you hear a story of an actor who is not hard on themselves, and it’s really exciting and amazing, and it blows other actors’ minds,” she says.
Not Getting Stuck in Empathy
Empathy can sometimes feel like a trap. Actors who immerse themselves in their characters’ thoughts and feelings may feel they’re being held hostage to some degree. This is why empathy requires a balance of paying attention to others’ needs while simultaneously honoring your own.
In an interview with BAFTA Guru, Viola Davis explained how her extensive years of drama school informed her ability to craft a performance.
“You can leave it,” she says. “You can sort of have a little shroud of protection around yourself and have a semblance of control of your work. You have to shape a performance. You can’t just go on the set and just go, ‘Okay, I’m gonna go hog-wild because the character is going wild. He just punches a bare wall with his fist, so I’m gonna do it,’ — and then walk away with broken fingers. I don’t want broken fingers. I just want to show you that it looks like I’m breaking my fingers. So it’s technique, a craft, that allows me to leave it behind and go home to my husband and my child.”
Maintaining Your Individuality
Drama student Courtney Wright, who gave a TEDx Talk on acting and empathy, draws a line between the performer and the character.
When playing a villain, an actor must “empathize with the lowest of the low, the worst of the worst. This is accomplished by stimulating the emotions we are least proud of: greed, hatred, jealousy, apathy,” she says. “Empathy is not endorsement. It certainly is not praise. If we are to successfully practice empathy, this is a distinction we must make. We need the ability to understand while retaining the ability to pass judgment.”
Wright believes actors must empathize with people they are not like. “In doing so, we learn the skill of empathy while maintaining our individual, personal beliefs and ideals … Acting tells us that empathy does not have to have an effect on our personal beliefs or actions or ideals.”
Empathizing With Yourself and Others Allows Creativity to Blossom
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood actor Chris Cooper once spoke about working alongside Meryl Streep in the 2002 film Adaptation.
He told The Chicago Tribune, “A couple of weeks into the shoot, things weren’t going well, and I was mumbling to myself. I heard this little voice behind me, ‘Stop whining!’ It was Meryl. Her attitude: ‘You’re lucky to have this part … enjoy! It’s not reconstructive surgery.’ I’ve never had as much fun working with an actor.”
Cooper went on to win a best supporting Oscar for that performance. Upon receiving his award he said, “Working with [Meryl] was like making great jazz.” Whenever a take didn’t work out, it wasn’t flowing, or he or she made a mistake of one kind or another, Cooper noticed Streep would exhibit an easygoing spirit and say something like, “Okay, let’s do it again.”
With no heaviness or self-judgment, she was ready and eager to let her light continue to shine, this time with a fresh and different take. This was a consistent pattern for the megastar. Streep didn’t allow anything to get her down.
Cooper again worked alongside Streep 10 years later in August: Osage County. “Each take, whether [her character] was drugged up or … taking a humorous look at something or taking her most nasty side of her character, she’d constantly toy with it, and it’s just a treasure trove for the director when it comes time to put this stuff together. He has such choices, but that was an astounding education in watching a master.”
How to Develop Empathy
Empathizing is a practice that can be strengthened.
One way to do this is with active listening. Listen attentively to someone, summarize the words you are hearing and acknowledge the feelings the person is experiencing. Stay present and allow your curiosity to keep you engaged in listening while resisting your own personal stories that come to mind, as these thoughts can distract you from empathizing. If the person offers self-judgments, allow them to be expressed without you agreeing or disagreeing with those judgments. The goal is to understand their perspective.
The power of empathy is incredible, but it takes time to harness. As Brené Brown says, keep your overall tone. “You’re imperfect and you’re wired for struggle, but you’re worthy of love and belonging.” Once your empathy and trust are firmly established, you can then ask if they’d be open to hearing any mentoring.
This article originally appeared on Casting Networks.
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